In high school, I had a really horrible photography teacher who didn’t like Ryan’s work at all. I was always bringing Ryan’s photos into class and having to defend them. I loved his work and wanted to see more like it. That teacher was not having it.
I didn’t study photography formally after that class. Years later, the School of Ryan McGinley taught me so much, like how to use lights on any kind of set.
Ryan and I met in Toronto when I was eighteen or nineteen. He came to a show I curated while I was a student at OCAD [the Ontario College of Art and Design]. I ended up dropping out soon after because I couldn’t afford it. Then I moved to New York, in large part because of this photo and what it represents.
This photo was from my test shoot with Ryan. The night before, I’d taken a Megabus, this super cheap bus, from Toronto to New York. My ticket might have been a dollar. Ryan was looking for people to come on his next road trip and was test shooting for that. I really wanted to go. During the interview, when they asked, “Are you able to run around and jump on things? Do you have allergies?” I lied. I’ve a connective tissue disorder that makes me dislocate my knees all the time and I’ve crazy allergies, to the point where I can’t really be outside. For the trip, we’d be in nature, naked, running around. I lied because I knew I had to do it. I’d been afraid to move my body for too long and needed to get out.
I’ve never talked about this before. But I left home when I was pretty young and was in a very abusive relationship. I was still in that relationship when this photo was taken. I wanted to leave this person but I didn’t have the money or anywhere to go. The road trip was a way that I could get out. It was also something that I wanted to do for myself. It was truly the best trip of my life.
It was one of Ryan’s last big road trips. There were three legs; I was on the first. We went from New York to Texas. It was transformative. I felt safe in my body for the first time. I’d get welts, my eyes would be puffy, and my nose would run, but I felt beautiful and so free. We had very little cell service. We weren’t on our phones. This was before social media and Instagram were such a thing. I was present. And this person couldn’t reach me. By the end of the trip, my body was strong from having done such strenuous activities. When I got home, I felt invincible. I had the courage to leave. I moved to New York. Ryan was very supportive. And that was the beginning of the rest of my life.
Before then, I’d done things with Rookie and Vice magazine. I was a Tumblr girl. Tumblr was an important space for many people, the kind of space that doesn’t exist online anymore. There was an innocence to it. I learned so much from finding films and images and connecting with people on Tumblr. Once I got to New York, I got more opportunities. I was around more artists. My work picked up. It was a sweet spot in history. For one second, it didn’t feel like the world was ending. You could get political in a fun way.
I don’t know if Ryan knows this but many of my lighting techniques come from him. Ryan’s more technical as a photographer than me. My interest in the medium really comes from film and I was self-taught until I passed through the School of Ryan McGinley. I learned so much from just being around him. On the road trip, I saw how scrappy you could be. With lights you can buy at a hardware store, you can create spotlights and other set-ups that transform what you can do with an image. That trip was a catalyst for so much change in my life, and I always think about it.